Three Secrets of Resilient People - Charmaine
I was at a support group for bereaved parents just before Christmas 2022 and I shared how I was still struggling with the loss of my son who died suddenly in November 2021 and that I really wanted to be more resilient in 2023.
Another mum suggested I check out Dr Lucy Hone and her TEDx talk “The three secrets of resilient people” which I promptly did. Here’s what I found out.
Dr Lucy Hone is regarded as a leading international authority on wellbeing and resilience. She is a resilience researcher, an author, a Director of the New Zealand Institute of Wellbeing and Resilience and most importantly (to me at least) she is a mother who has also suffered the tragic loss of a child.
At the beginning of her Tedx Talk, Dr Lucy quickly demonstrates that adversity doesn’t discriminate as all members of the audience identified that they had been affected by tragedy and loss. She then states that “parental bereavement is widely acknowledged as one of the hardest losses to bear but you can rise up from adversity”.
Lucy shared that what she needed most at the time of her daughter's death was hope and to be an active participant in her grief. Here are the three strategies that saved her in her darkest days:
Resilient people get that “shit happens” and that suffering is part of every human existence.
Resilient people are really good at focusing on the things that they can change and accepting the things that they can’t.
Resilient people ask themselves “is what I am doing or thinking harming or helping me?”
Lucy concluded her inspiring talk by saying “thinking this way really does help and it has shown me that it is possible to live and grieve at the same time”.
Check out her TedTalk here.
So how am I going with applying these three strategies to my life? Not great if I’m being honest - I am definitely a work in progress but I do think about them often. I am learning to accept that grief has changed me and it is a significant part of me and will always be in my life. But I take heart in the words of Franchesca Cox; “grief only lives where love once did.”
Charmaine xx